Personal Identity

I'm not sure if this is true for all INFPs, although it seems like it might be.

I find that my sense of personal identity comes from two things

1) my personal tastes (and to some extent my creativity because it expresses those tastes)

2) my childhood memories

My personal tastes are pretty well defined. I am not aware of them 'forming' so much as simply being. I don't decide what I like, I just Know. There are few cases where my tastes have changed significantly over the course of my life, and when I look at how they have changed I can see them more as a progression, naturally flowing out of the orriginals and not contradicting or replacing the orriginals, but simply being added to them. I feel a very strong sense of identity from these tastes and cannot immagine being myself and not liking or disliking certain things. I wouldn't be me anymore if I didn't like these things. Along with these strong tastes, I feel like I can't live out who I am unless I'm able to express those tastes through creative endeavors, like crafts or writing, or clothing. Because I can't live out my tastes to the fullest extent, I rely on focusing on the immagination of my inner world to provide a kind of home for myself where my inner self is fully expressed and in tune with the surroundings.

I find that it is very important to me that I have an internal sense of consistancy between my past self and my present self. I highly value the feeling of being the same person throughout my life, that is not seeing much internal change. While my circumstances may vary, my person remains a solid reliable consistant experience. It seems very important to me to have always known who I am, and to know that that doesn't change (at least not significantly). I really cherish my memories of my past and the nostalgic feelings that are conjured by various things, allowing me to relive past moments. I also tend to enjoy the same things over and over both because I like them as much now as I did then, and because they reinforce a connection with my past.

Boring Old Present

INFPs are a natural well of immagination. They can't help it. To them, 'Reality'is like one big bouncy-ball and whenever their attention hits its surface their thoughts are sent careening off into the distance in any number of directions (perhaps even several at once). It's almost as if the present reality repells them like a magnet turned the wrong direction, it's impossible for them to engage. Instead the INFP is like a satalite, floating just outside reality. This perspective can give them great insights into 'the big picture' of reality which others cannot see from down in the thick of things, as well as the even 'bigger picture' of possibilities beyond the current reality. It's really an amazing view up there in the ethereal realm of immagination, and great understanding and inspiration seem to come so naturally. It is there that INFPs are in their element!

Yet when they come down to connect with the present moment in the real world they often feel like aliens, not made for this place. Used to floating freely, gravity overwhelms them, their feet unsteady, their wings useless. Reality is not their natural habitat and they struggle to find their way where others find the path to be obvious.

One of the main difficulties for INFPs when attempting to engage the real world is that in contrast to their immaginations, in contrast to the world as it ought to be which they can see so clearly in their minds, the present seems too boring, and too wrong. They don't really want to engage it. Doing things in the here and now seems frightfully dull most of the time, and it's very hard to keep their attention focused on it. Rather like a history lecture. Anything else BUT the task at hand seems infinately more captivating. And thus they find themselves struggling to complete the everyday inbetween steps of life, fighting against their very nature, so it would seem. They want to focus on the vision, the hope. In their moment of inspiration they see the goal so clearly and they want to get there as instantly as thought. Their hands and legs feel clumsy in comparison and the here and now just feels like wasted time. Even though they understand how things must progress, they become much too impatient with all the in between steps, resenting the way the physical seems to lag soooo far behind their thoughts. They get frustrated when things don't progress smoothly and feel like reality is determined to go against their vision. When working out of their element they can become very easily overwhelmed and disheartened.

INFPs are great at coming up with new ideas and having insights about things (people in particular), but when they are set to carrying out the 'practical' tasks for making the ideas happen, they often feel very weighed down, impatient, bored, and uninspired. Thus many times people are confused by the apparent contradiction between the INFP's exuberance in presenting their vision, and then apparent disinterest in actually carrying it out. It isn't that they don't really care, it's that they can't figure out what to do, or can't keep themselves motivated in the mundane present. Inspiration is everything, it's what pulls them onward and keeps them going. But when they tune into the present reality, it is often hard for them to maintain that sense of inspiration.

Step By Step

This is the weakpoint of INFPs. We see the goal or the 'grand scheme' but we often find ourselves at a loss as to where to begin or how to proceed towards that end result. It is as though we are farsighted, and cannot bring into focus the immediate situation in order to determine the next step. We have a hard time determining what resources we have and how they cam be used to acheive our goals. It often seems to us that our life exists as two separate floating islands, the present and the future, while the connection between the two lies in utter darkness. As we look about with our telescope eyes we completely miss the opportunities that lay at our feet, instead feeling hoplessly separated from our distant goal. We can see it so clearly, but we cannot see the bridge that will get us there. And so we can easily begin to feel that it is hopeless, and may waste a great deal of time standing around at the gate without starting down the path. To someone else it may appear so very simple that they would quickly become exasperated with the INFP's continued complaints about it being impossible, but for whatever reason, the next step is truely hidden from the INFP. Often even when someone tells them it is there, they cannot for the life of them comprehend it.

As a child I remember having so much distress over my homework, because I couldn't just focus on the immediate question. I felt the weight of all the assignments I had to do all at once and couldn't see the individual steps to completeting them at all. I could spend hours crying in anguish over this impassible mountain before me, staring at the paper, reading the question, but seeing and hearing nothing but "Doom doom doom." I had to have someone come and sit beside me and hand feed me each next step of the process. It wasn't that I wasn't smart, but that somehow the ability to follow steps seems to frequently elude me. I often had to reach a point where there was an emotional 'shut off' and then I would stop thinking and just do each step I was told to do, and usually it turned out to be very simple. But I couldn't do it on my own. I needed someone there to shine the flashlight on each next step so that I could see it and do it.

This probably seems like an incomprehensible fault to those gifted with the ability to see and navegate in the here and now. But let me assure you that this issue is no trivial matter for the INFP. It is not a case of laziness or willfull avoidance or irresponcibility, nor even a lack of ambition. The INFP doesn't want to waste time in getting to the goal. And he isn't capable of simply focusing all by himself. He needs moral support, to know he doesn't stand alone before the looming mountian, and practical support to help him find the next hand-hold, the next place to step.

INFPs need to work hand in hand with others who are more 'practical' or immediate in their focus. The problem is that so often the 'practical' people cannot see or comprehend, or do not recognize the worth of, the INFP's distant vision, and therefore do not apply themselves to finding the steps along the path that will lead to it. And this is very sad indeed, for because of this failure to cooperate with the INFP (and instead attempt to convert him) a great many INFPs are never able to realise their own potential.

I don't believe that people are meant to be independant of eachother. I think this idea ultimately results in much holding back of potential, causing individuals to struggle on their own, where they might have suceeded by working together.

When you have someone focused unwaveringly on the goal, you cannot easily stray off course or loose your motivation. And when you have someone focused unwaveringly on the present, you cannot easily loose your footing or get hurt. Both are needed to ensure success. The INFP, and probably the other NFs as well, are the ones who keep their sight focused on the goal. What we need, indeed often beg for, is someone to help us by looking at the present and guiding our footsteps along the way to the goal.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Although I don't recall particularly caring for that story when I read it for Highschool Literature class, it is very remeniscent of life as an INFP. I find I am constantly immagining away the boring and ugly details of the world around me and instead immagining myself in other worlds and other times, on adventures and in fairy tales. This is a characteristic which I believe most INFPs share, though the subject matter of our daydreams of course varies. Everyday life holds little interest for us. Our minds are full of all sorts of possibilities, constantly bouncing off Reality into Wilds of Fantasy. Although we may not be adept at living in the here and now, our minds are immaginative and innovative, capable of bringing inspiration and hope to the world. Yet so often, like geodes, our amazing inner lives remain completely undiscovered by those around us. We are often quiet, and shy, and try not to 'make waves', and so we are overlooked, and never truely seen for what we are. Others glance over us and see only dull clods of earth, while inside there is a sparkling magical world full of beauty and wonder.